MORE GOOD NEWS

My contract was due to end tomorrow, the last working day before Christmas.  "We need you around here," I have been told and the contract has been rolled a further 3 months to the end of March 2012.  The project I am working on has been extended into a new customer grouping and they want me to do the financial analysis.  I am very relieved as that will get me over the Christmas/New Year holidays with work and get me well into the New Year. 

Had I finished tomorrow, I would have faced the probability of no work until mid-February at the earliest.  Money is still tight as we recover from our housing issue and there is now a mortgage that is twice what we had previously thanks to those bastard lawyers, builders and council.  As a contractor I do not get paid if I am not working so the holiday period means my income drops in half for December and January.  The company I am working at has an obligatory close down for 3 weeks to ensure their staff use up annual leave and to manage the balance sheet liability.

The job/contract market out there is very thin at the level I operate at.  Accordingly, I was very concerned that I could have no income for a substantial period.  I have found that I cannot simply go after lower level jobs .  I have been told on numerous occasions that "you would get bored doing this job," and so have not been offered the role or contract.  I think "you would get bored" is the new euphemism for too old or too experienced or too expensive. 

When I was initially being interviewed for a contract in this organisation, I was told as they read my CV, "We cannot afford you," even before we had discussed rates.  I replied, "How much can you afford?  Make me an offer."  They did so at a rate of 60% of my normal chargeout rate.  I accepted on the spot as I had been out of work 3 months, my house was being rebuilt and we were renting elsewhere.  After 2 years I negotiated a 12.5% increase and am up to 67% of my previous chargeout rate. 

Anyway, my oldest son is home for Christmas, I have work for another 3 months, the weather is fine, I still have my teeth and my hair and my lovely wife still seems to think I am ok.  I have much to be grateful for and am looking forward to 3 weeks off work and to the opportunities of the New Year.  Merry Christmas everyone and all the best for 2012.

JOHN KEY'S PERFORMANCE

I have been a bit sceptical of John Key as PM.  Yes, I think he is a very nice and sincere guy, he seems to be "relatively" free of politicians' bullshit, and I am impressed by his career achievements as having worked in the finance area, I have some inkling of what it takes to succeeed in his field.  This morning, I watched John Key's address in reply, courtesy of Whaleoil.  What a superb performance, polished, on point, confident and absolutely cut Labour to shreds. 

I remember when Key was first selected as leader of the National Party, the media hacks reckoned he would be slaughtered in the House by the likes of Clarke and Cullen.  On what I saw this morning, he would have brushed them off with ease.  Well done, very well done.  If he can continue these sorts of performances, he will go down as one of the great PMs.  His fate is in the hands of the gods (disasters etc) or his fellow National Party parliamentarians cocking up badly.  I do not see him making any big blunders. 

SOME GOOD NEWS

Our friend in Melbourne was operated on last week for her spinal tumour.  The news is all positive.  The surgeon is "99.9% sure the tumour is benign" and is happy they got it all.  The test for malignancy takes some time (unlike CSI suggests) but the surgeon is happy with the operation and the prognosis.  Our friend came out of hospital on Tuesday and her husband has taken up nursing duties.  What a lovely Christmas present for her and her family and for us her friends.

IS THERE A PROBLEM IN NEWLANDS?

Was talking to her indoors last night about the cancer scare for our friend.  Not only has the son-in-law's dad got cancer and our friend, but also 2 others who lived in the same street have died of massive tumours in the past 2 years.  So that is 4 people within 500 metres of each other, one in her early 60's and 3 in their late 60's.  Could it be the impact of fuel 'rain' from jets flying low overhead on approach to the Wellington airport?  Could it be the ILS and other directional radio beacons in the suburb?  There is many a story about opening the lounge curtains to see a plane heading for the front lawn.  Hmm.

WEEKEND OF DREADFUL NEWS

The son-in-law's dad has been ill and a brain tumour has been found.  The news is it is malignant, nothing can be done and he has 6 months at best.  He is being sent home to die. 

Then, late Sunday night an email arrived from a close friend in Melbourne.  On Saturday his wife had an MRI scan for an arm that was constantly sore and a huge tumour was found on her spine.  It was so bad that they admitted her immediately as they were concerned if she bumped the tumour it could paralyse her.  She will be operated on on Tuesday.  At this stage it is not known whether it is benign or malignant.  Also, this is dangerous surgery and the outcome could be very poor.  Her first grandchild is due Feb/Mar next year here in NZ, an event she has been looking forward to.  We are all hoping she survives to see her grandchild.

We have known her and her husband since 1970's when I began working with them.  We were married within 2 weeks of each other and have always celebrated together, and in the last 15+ years following their move to Aus, met up each 5 years for wedding anniversaries on the biggies, swapping between them coming to NZ or us going to Aus.  We had kids together, lived within 5 kms of each other and have spent a lot of our lives together.

The spooky thing is that the son-in-law's family and our dear friend lived in the same suburb; within about 500 metres of each other.  My son-in-law went to school with and played with our friends' children.  You start to see conspiracy theories.  Where they lived was under the flight path to Wellington airport, up in the Newlands hills.  Statistical anomoly I am sure.  All in all a dreadful weekend.

MORE GALLOWS HUMOUR

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

• CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
• BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.
• VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse

GALLOWS HUMOUR AND THE 'GFC'

FINANCE NEWS

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

THE GREAT NATIONAL WIN?

I have heard the news this morning that Paula Bennett may have lost her electorate seat via the special votes.  Well, Johnny, your win is starting to look hollow now.  The centre-right vote has dropped compared with 2008 not increased and now you have to rely on the Maori Party to remain in power.  And you are going to have Winnie chewing on your leg for 3 years.  I do not think the result augurs well for 2014 nor for the future of the centre right.  Despite the gloom among the Labour Party, I think you have handed the political future of this country to the left by not pushing for a change away from MMP.  Unfortunately, unlike you, I cannot afford to move overseas to get away.

ROUNDUP OF POLITICS

I am enjoying the Labour Party trying to select a new leader.  I think it wonderful that a Harvard trained, Boston Consulting candidate states that he will buy back any sold Government assets.  I have come across many Harvard, Yale and London School of Economics graduates over the past 20 years in the various consulting firms such as Boston Consulting or McKinsey.  I think I can state that I have not met one who has not been an enthusiastic proponent of selling.  I would love to see Cunnliffe give good economic reasons for his stance.  I suspect they would be contrary to his training, experience and real views.  I think he is prepared to say anything to get the baubles of office.

I see that Kerre Woodham on her talkback show says many callers are astonished to discover that voting for Winnie means you also get the collections of loopies and ratbags into Parliament with him.  They didn't realise!

As a 15 year old I was complaining to my father I knew more about politics than most adults but was not allowed to vote in the election being held that day (I was a very keen student of politics).  The following day after church, my parents were standing at the church door with some parishioners discussing the election result.  One of our neighbours stated "I didn't know who to vote for so I voted for Mary H...... because she had a good christian name."  I suppressed a laugh and my father grinned and winked at me.  Mary H..... had been standing as the Communist Party candidate and had done so for the past 3 elections.  Our neighbour would have been horrified had she realised.  Oh God and they let these people vote.

WAS THIS REALLY A TRIUMPH FOR NATIONAL?

I cannot believe John Key can view this election as a triumph for him and the National Party.  He may have won the battle but he has lost the war.

Act is destroyed, he has no natural coalition partners in sight and now MMP is entrenched.  He has handed the country to the left wing and the nutters from the 2014 election onwards.  A speech in favour of removing MMP during the just-run election and the most popular PM in decades might have swung the vote.  I believe he and Jim Bolger will be remembered as the 2 'conservative' PMs who doomed this country to a future of being governed by left wing fruit loops, or as my mate describes them, "sandal wearing, hairy legged, lesbian, tree huggers". 

Oh well, I am getting to the age where I am irrelevant anyway so I will settle back and watch my children emigrate and hope I have enough dosh to afford the occasional overseas visit to see them and possible grandchildren.

AGAINST STUPIDITY........

I commented previously, quoting Schiller "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain."  How else do you explain the NZ voters voting the Herne Bay pisshead and thief back into parliament?  I figure no one ever went broke over-estimating the stupidity of the NZ public.  And to think he also brings Andrew Williams with him.  At least Winnie will have a drinking companion in Wellington now. 

My wife is not a political animal but loathes Winnie with a passion since the 1996(?) election where he held the country to ransom for 6 weeks while he negotiated for his baubles and finally went with National as 'Treasurer'.  Negotiations were about 4 weeks on when my wife was out with the girls in Courtenay Place on a Friday night and about midnight, Winnie and his entourage of sycophants and diplomatic protection squad swept into the biggest pickup bar in town known as the 'Big Sleazy', (Wellingtonians will probably remember).  He and the hangers on started drinking and chatting up anything in a skirt into the wee small hours.  My wife and her mates were horrified.  She said to me in the morning, "What was he doing there at that time of night acting as a sleaze while he holds the country to ransom for so long?"

The Wellington bars and restaurants (and the Green Parrot) will be ecstatic and will be counting their chickens.  The Wellington City Council workers will be planting lots of lemon trees in the streets for Andrew Williams to piss on. I also suspect the next 3 years will be fascinating for politics watchers and particularly for right wing observers who will have lots to beat Winnie over the head about as he lies and squirms the next 3 years away.

2011 ELECTION

I have not bothered to blog on the election because there are many bloggers who do it so much better than I could.  However, I cannot believe the dirtiness of the campaigns being run by the scum of the Left.  I have been a keen follower of matters political since the age of 15 and cannot remember so many blatant lies and what is worse, so much bias from the media against the government.

What to do?  I have cancelled my sub to the Herald and we no longer watch TV3 News.  There are many online alternatives from all around the world so I am not suffering any loss.  That is the only way I know of bringing home to these unelected, self-appointed, would be king makers that their actions will cost them and their shareholders in the pocket.  I will be watching the circulation and ratings fugures in future with interest.

THAT LYING BASTARD PETERS

Can you believe the mendacity of Winston Peters?  At the start of the week he witters on about the disgraceful taping of the 'cup of tea meeting' and then in the same week starts leaking details of their content.  Soper says the police are not likely to go and arrest Peters.  Why not?  He has broken the law and in addition, is a thief who has yet to make reparations.  Where is our $158,000 Winnie?  Bet if I don't pay money owed to the government I wouldn't get the same leniency from the authorities.

Cars, cars and damn cars

We have 3 vehicles, 1 each for me and "she who must be obeyed" and a van for our disabled son.  Her car starts over heating and in it goes on Monday for some TLC.  This always necessitate late starts and early finishes at work to get to and from the garage.  This has income consequences as a consultant I charge by the hour and so lose about 2 hours income.  However, my mechanic is superb and lends me a car so at least I am not stuck for transport.  On Wednesday, my car starts doing the same and I take it in on Thursday, with the same impact on income. 

I arrive home from the garage on Thursday evening to be told that my son and his caregiver were at a local shopping centre, had deployed the wheelchair hoist and some idiot had run over it!  The van was bought 1 month ago and is a gorgeous Merc with all the whistles and bells.  Our son is the first in the family to have a Merc!  The hoist was bent and would not stow properly and so the back door could not be closed. 

I was distraught as was my son.  I thought we have been cursed by the car gods this week. The van was the first bit of luxury the family had had in 6 years after everything had been put on hold and every bit of cash saved for our leaky home costs.

Next morning, after superb service the night before by Bruce at the State Insurance call centre based in Christchurch, I took the van to the local panel beater.  The van was 100% ok - whew as I was concerned the floor could have been twisted.  Then taking a hammer, he gently beat the bent side panel in the hoist back into position and lo and behold the problem was fixed in 5 minutes.  A beautiful morning (weather wise) and the car gods were starting to smile upon us again.

Off goes the son in the van with his other care giver so the wife and I go and have a well deserved lunch in St Heliers.  Sitting there looking at one of the best views in the world we feel blessed and all the worries of the week seem very distant.

HELP

HELP NEEDED URGENTLY


Does anybody know how to cancel a bid on Trade Me?

Yesterday I put in a bid for a “Cowboy Outfit” and now it seems I’m only six minutes away from owning the New Zealand Labour Party!

Dum Dum Goff (apologies to TalkTalk)

Thinking of the Labour policies announced to date-

• return to 1970's industrial relations
• GST policy
• capital gains and higher income tax rates
• extending 'Working for Families' to beneficiaries
• spend, spend, spend, borrow, borrow, borrow

all while Europe and America struggle with debt and overblown social welfare systems brought to mind the quote from Schiller, "Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain."

GST on Fruit and Vegetables - Labour's Idiocy

Remember hearing of the story about when VAT was introduced in the UK.  The government of the time was undertaking the sort of populist nonsense that Labour are attempting now and exempted 'basic food'.  Included in the definition of basic food was salt.  Of course the food nazis decided takeaways were nasty and so VAT applied to takeaways. 

It did not take long.  One enterprising fish and chip shop advertised that their fish and chips were free while every order had to have salt and the salt cost 2 pounds per standard order.  They were then effectively cheaper than all their competition by the value of the VAT.  Of course to remedy this legal avoidance required more legislation and expert panels.

The beauty of NZ's GST is its broad application and so the difficulty in finding avoidance tricks such as the UK example.  If Labour's nonsense proposal were to be passed, I could easily imagine there would be examples of the vegetables or fruit being charged for while non-vegetable/fruit elements would be free.  Tax experts love exemptions as they provide a good living in devising schemes to take advantage of them so I can see the tax advisors industry rubbing their hands in glee at the thought.

Selling SOEs

I cannot believe the stupidity of some of the comments against selling SOEs and am concerned the proponents don't counter them.  I am a financial consultant and have valued and sold many companies and divisions over the years so have some expertise here.  One of the common complaints (and Labour also use the argument) is that by selling, we will forego the dividends we currently receive from these SOEs. 

What do people think a company is worth?  I'll tell you, it is worth the net present value of the free cash flow that the company is forecast to generate over its foreseeable life.  And that is what you would sell a company for unless you are an idiot.  So you would receive the value today of the total possible future dividends.  Invest those sale proceeds and you should be able to generate at least similar levels of income or alternatively pay off debt and save interest bills.

The real issue is whether there are better alternatives to the government being invested in electricity companies and a coal company when we have a desperate need to get our debt down and to build infrastructure to kick us into the 21st century.  Governments are not there to assume business risks that private enterprise is well able and better placed to incur.

Goof and Labour

My wife is not a political animal but last night's performance by Goof and the new Labour spend up policy on Child welfare had her spitting tacks.  "I saw some woman on TV with 6 kids complaining beneficiaries need more money.  Why should I pay for her inability to keep her legs closed?  We didn't have kids until we could afford them and we limited out family size for the same reason."

She starts yelling "Show us the money."  Well done John Key, you have defined the 2011 election for most of us.  We read daily of Europe in danger of collapsing due to excessive government spending caused largely by bloated social welfare and Goof wants us to follow that example.  My canny wife says "No one believes Labour have a plan to pay for all this."  She works with a large group of immigrants and none of them are voting Labour this time around.

I think Labour know they will be toast in November so are trying to retain the 25% or so of the electorate who represent their core, regardless of how nonsensical their policies as a result.

Leaky Homes

I thought I would blog on the leaky home process I went through as a guide for the other poor souls who are facing the same issue.  What follows is a very brief history as the whole process took a very long time.

IMPORTANT - register immediately with the Weathertight Homes Resolution Service ("WHRS").  You have to claim within 10 years of your house being built.  Plus, under common law, you have to claim within 6 years of finding the problem.  Registering with the WHRS is regarded as making your claim and stops the clock.  In my instance, the house was built in 1998 and I registered in 2005.  The final mediation and settlement was in July 2011 which is 13 years after the house was built and 6 years since the problem was discovered, but having "stopped" the clock, the time delay did not matter (legally).

After registering, the WHRS sent out an inspector and they carried out 2 inspections with probes, producing a huge detailed report.  I went to the best leaky home lawyers in town.  They advised I hire an inspection firm and have an invasive examination (where they cut holes in the cladding) as the WHRS inspectors were not very good and had a record of badly under-estimating the cost to repair.

Was given a list by the lawyer and started at the top.  The first 3 declined saying they were too busy.  Finally found one who could do the inspection within a week.  HINT - make sure you ask the hourly rate and compare - they vary hugely.  Inspection was again conducted and found many areas the WHRS had missed.  The estimate of costs was almost twice that of the WHRS.  I hired the inspection firm to act as my project managers and to supervise the repairs. 

HINT - you could save substantial costs here if you have the time and ability to act as your own project manager.  However, he helped me redesign the house, supervised the builders and council through every critical weathertight issue (well outside my area of expertise) and ensured every thing was done properly, albeit at a huge cost and some suggestion that I was ripped off.

After some time of redesigning etc as I was not prepared to reclad in the same system and went for weather boards, funding issues, family issues (both my family and the project managers) we finally selected a large repair company.  With hind sight I can say the choice was brilliant and the foreman they put in charge was an old- fashioned chippy who would not accept a sloppy piece of work anywhere and was a great guy as well.  HINT - repair and then claim if you can afford it as until the cladding is all off, you do not have an accurate handle on the costs to repair.  Ours were out by 30%.

So, finally finished after 6 months and the family having to move out and back in.  The details and photos of the repairs and costs are given to my lawyers.  The opposing council hires the biggest firm in town, the builders hire the second biggest.  So the tennis match starts with information, delaying tactics and of course bills going in all directions.  After 2 years we finally get to mediation under the WHRS.

My lawyer warns me to keep my mouth shut and not say anything no matter how provoked unless he asks me directly.  The WHRS mediator starts proceedings (she turns out to be completely useless through the day).  My lawyer outlines our claim, then the builders' lawyer states their case and it starts as a slag off of me and everything I have done to fix my house.  The council's laywer is next and the first thing she does is to apologise to me and my family for putting us through the whole problem!  I was gob smacked.

For the next 3 hours, the builders' lawyers and building experts slandered me, impugned my every action, indulged in nit picking points of law  and made derisory offers of about a quarter of what I it had cost (all up including interest on borrowings, alternative accommodation etc).  The parties leave the room and have discussions re what they will offer/accept and so on.

We left for lunch and returned to more point scoring and insults, including one from their inspection firm saying "If you wanted too keep costs down you shouldn't have employed a Rolls Royce project manager."  My project manager went ape shit and gave him his pedigree back.  I bit my lip and wanted to point out we are talking about a large house in one of Auckland's best suburbs.

Finally, we left the room again and my lawyer said you should offer $X on a take it or leave it basis.  This was for 2/3 of what I had spent.  I was rather upset.  He advised I might get a further 10-20% if I went to a hearing of the WHRS but it would cost me about that to go to a hearing and there was no guarantee I would get the extra I wanted as the WHRS tribunal chairs tend to be lawyers who cannot make it in private practice and so tend to the poor end of the quality spectrum.  The final step is the High Court which would cost at least $100k and could be appealed.  So I caved in.  The other side accepted and the matter was settled.

The lawyer for the original builders comes over and shakes my lawyer's hand and then comes to me.  As a gentleman, I stand and shake her hand.  The council's lawyer comes over and I do the same.  I stand and said to her "I appreciated the apology.  No one other than you has ever apologised for the 6 years of hell my family has gone through."

Next, over comes the General Manager of the original builders who had sat there with his lawyers.  I remained seated, he sat down next to me and putting out his hand said "You must be relieved that is all over."  I looked him in the eye and said to him "Your firm's gross incompetence and your lawyers have cost me a lot of money; I am rather upset; I suggest you go away very quickly."  His jaw dropped and he pulled in his hand very quickly, got up and scuttled out of the room.  I should add I am the size of an All Black lock so was twice his size.  I was rather proud I had not used any obscenities or hit him.

So, there you go.  As usual the legal system has been highjacked by the lawyers in favour of the deepest pockets rather than the victims.  My family and I were blameless here.  The building firm and the council were grossly incompetent.  Parts of our house were built in contravention of existing bylaws, parts would have collapsed within 2-3 years due to unseen beams rotting out and parts of the house were found to be dangerous.  We had to face the fact that 30 years of hard work and scrimping were now seriously at risk, we had to borrow and service a huge loan while not having a permanent job, move the family out for 6 months into a shit hole of a house (to keep costs down), face 2 years delays and loan costs, all while trying to save money for possible legal and court costs.

I am very angry and as the builder is part of a listed company I am thinking of buying some shares and start attending AGMs and asking questions that might attract the attention of the media.  I am reasonably handy with social media and that presents some opportunities as well.  My daughter said "Let it go as you'll just turn into a bitter old man."  She may be right.

Back Again

Thought I would look up my blog after a very long time - whew the last post was in February 2009!

Not a lot has happened since then as our life went on hold due to the lack of permanent work and having to rebuild a leaky home. Every bit of spare cash had to be saved to meet the interest bill on a huge mortgage borrowed to rebuild the house. Then I had to save enough to fund the lawyers and potential court cases. The house is rebuilt in weatherboards and looks fantastic and settlement has been recently reached with the asshole builders and the council. (I will blog separately on the experience. Needless to say we are severely out of pocket despite not being at fault). However, finally we could sort out some of the family issues and expenditure that had been put on hold for 6 years!

My last post referred to 2 month's work. Well! I took up the role and 3 staff in the section went in all directions within short order so the boss reorganised the section and took parts of the 3 roles and combined them into one logical role and let me stay doing it. We all looked the other way as he knew I would not do the role on a permanent basis for the pay scale applying so I lasted until October 2010 until another restructuring took the role out of that section. The way it was done would have won me some dosh in the Employment Court as I had been here so long I had a good case to argue I was a permanent employee. However, I had great fun at their HR department's expense pointing out how their publicised values etc had been severely dented in this instance. At least the HR Manager had enough grace to blush with embarrassment and say I was right.

I would love to blog on my experiences at this company and name them but they helped me out of a very deep hole when I lost my job, my house and my father all within 3 months and I could not have survived without the work they gave me. So, that buys them heaps of thanks and loyalty, even from a contractor. And the people I have worked with are, by and large, great.

Shortly afterwards (before the other contract expired) I was offered work elsewhere in the company and have been here since. This contract will last until Christmas 2011 and I think that will be it as they have restructured again (4 in 3 years) and for the first time are laying off finance people. I have been chasing permanent and contract work all over town and in the past week and am actually getting some interviews this time. Fingers crossed.

I have just had a significant birthday and am in a contemplative sort of mood this month as I look forwards and backwards and think about what sort of mark I am going to leave in the world. I went to Sydney and had a long weekend staying in the best hotel in town as a treat. However, the Rugby World Cup is on and I am putting everything on the back burner as I am enjoying the footy immensely. We are down to the final - go the All Blacks!