MORE GOOD NEWS

My contract was due to end tomorrow, the last working day before Christmas.  "We need you around here," I have been told and the contract has been rolled a further 3 months to the end of March 2012.  The project I am working on has been extended into a new customer grouping and they want me to do the financial analysis.  I am very relieved as that will get me over the Christmas/New Year holidays with work and get me well into the New Year. 

Had I finished tomorrow, I would have faced the probability of no work until mid-February at the earliest.  Money is still tight as we recover from our housing issue and there is now a mortgage that is twice what we had previously thanks to those bastard lawyers, builders and council.  As a contractor I do not get paid if I am not working so the holiday period means my income drops in half for December and January.  The company I am working at has an obligatory close down for 3 weeks to ensure their staff use up annual leave and to manage the balance sheet liability.

The job/contract market out there is very thin at the level I operate at.  Accordingly, I was very concerned that I could have no income for a substantial period.  I have found that I cannot simply go after lower level jobs .  I have been told on numerous occasions that "you would get bored doing this job," and so have not been offered the role or contract.  I think "you would get bored" is the new euphemism for too old or too experienced or too expensive. 

When I was initially being interviewed for a contract in this organisation, I was told as they read my CV, "We cannot afford you," even before we had discussed rates.  I replied, "How much can you afford?  Make me an offer."  They did so at a rate of 60% of my normal chargeout rate.  I accepted on the spot as I had been out of work 3 months, my house was being rebuilt and we were renting elsewhere.  After 2 years I negotiated a 12.5% increase and am up to 67% of my previous chargeout rate. 

Anyway, my oldest son is home for Christmas, I have work for another 3 months, the weather is fine, I still have my teeth and my hair and my lovely wife still seems to think I am ok.  I have much to be grateful for and am looking forward to 3 weeks off work and to the opportunities of the New Year.  Merry Christmas everyone and all the best for 2012.

JOHN KEY'S PERFORMANCE

I have been a bit sceptical of John Key as PM.  Yes, I think he is a very nice and sincere guy, he seems to be "relatively" free of politicians' bullshit, and I am impressed by his career achievements as having worked in the finance area, I have some inkling of what it takes to succeeed in his field.  This morning, I watched John Key's address in reply, courtesy of Whaleoil.  What a superb performance, polished, on point, confident and absolutely cut Labour to shreds. 

I remember when Key was first selected as leader of the National Party, the media hacks reckoned he would be slaughtered in the House by the likes of Clarke and Cullen.  On what I saw this morning, he would have brushed them off with ease.  Well done, very well done.  If he can continue these sorts of performances, he will go down as one of the great PMs.  His fate is in the hands of the gods (disasters etc) or his fellow National Party parliamentarians cocking up badly.  I do not see him making any big blunders. 

SOME GOOD NEWS

Our friend in Melbourne was operated on last week for her spinal tumour.  The news is all positive.  The surgeon is "99.9% sure the tumour is benign" and is happy they got it all.  The test for malignancy takes some time (unlike CSI suggests) but the surgeon is happy with the operation and the prognosis.  Our friend came out of hospital on Tuesday and her husband has taken up nursing duties.  What a lovely Christmas present for her and her family and for us her friends.

IS THERE A PROBLEM IN NEWLANDS?

Was talking to her indoors last night about the cancer scare for our friend.  Not only has the son-in-law's dad got cancer and our friend, but also 2 others who lived in the same street have died of massive tumours in the past 2 years.  So that is 4 people within 500 metres of each other, one in her early 60's and 3 in their late 60's.  Could it be the impact of fuel 'rain' from jets flying low overhead on approach to the Wellington airport?  Could it be the ILS and other directional radio beacons in the suburb?  There is many a story about opening the lounge curtains to see a plane heading for the front lawn.  Hmm.

WEEKEND OF DREADFUL NEWS

The son-in-law's dad has been ill and a brain tumour has been found.  The news is it is malignant, nothing can be done and he has 6 months at best.  He is being sent home to die. 

Then, late Sunday night an email arrived from a close friend in Melbourne.  On Saturday his wife had an MRI scan for an arm that was constantly sore and a huge tumour was found on her spine.  It was so bad that they admitted her immediately as they were concerned if she bumped the tumour it could paralyse her.  She will be operated on on Tuesday.  At this stage it is not known whether it is benign or malignant.  Also, this is dangerous surgery and the outcome could be very poor.  Her first grandchild is due Feb/Mar next year here in NZ, an event she has been looking forward to.  We are all hoping she survives to see her grandchild.

We have known her and her husband since 1970's when I began working with them.  We were married within 2 weeks of each other and have always celebrated together, and in the last 15+ years following their move to Aus, met up each 5 years for wedding anniversaries on the biggies, swapping between them coming to NZ or us going to Aus.  We had kids together, lived within 5 kms of each other and have spent a lot of our lives together.

The spooky thing is that the son-in-law's family and our dear friend lived in the same suburb; within about 500 metres of each other.  My son-in-law went to school with and played with our friends' children.  You start to see conspiracy theories.  Where they lived was under the flight path to Wellington airport, up in the Newlands hills.  Statistical anomoly I am sure.  All in all a dreadful weekend.

MORE GALLOWS HUMOUR

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

• CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
• BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.
• VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse

GALLOWS HUMOUR AND THE 'GFC'

FINANCE NEWS

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

THE GREAT NATIONAL WIN?

I have heard the news this morning that Paula Bennett may have lost her electorate seat via the special votes.  Well, Johnny, your win is starting to look hollow now.  The centre-right vote has dropped compared with 2008 not increased and now you have to rely on the Maori Party to remain in power.  And you are going to have Winnie chewing on your leg for 3 years.  I do not think the result augurs well for 2014 nor for the future of the centre right.  Despite the gloom among the Labour Party, I think you have handed the political future of this country to the left by not pushing for a change away from MMP.  Unfortunately, unlike you, I cannot afford to move overseas to get away.

ROUNDUP OF POLITICS

I am enjoying the Labour Party trying to select a new leader.  I think it wonderful that a Harvard trained, Boston Consulting candidate states that he will buy back any sold Government assets.  I have come across many Harvard, Yale and London School of Economics graduates over the past 20 years in the various consulting firms such as Boston Consulting or McKinsey.  I think I can state that I have not met one who has not been an enthusiastic proponent of selling.  I would love to see Cunnliffe give good economic reasons for his stance.  I suspect they would be contrary to his training, experience and real views.  I think he is prepared to say anything to get the baubles of office.

I see that Kerre Woodham on her talkback show says many callers are astonished to discover that voting for Winnie means you also get the collections of loopies and ratbags into Parliament with him.  They didn't realise!

As a 15 year old I was complaining to my father I knew more about politics than most adults but was not allowed to vote in the election being held that day (I was a very keen student of politics).  The following day after church, my parents were standing at the church door with some parishioners discussing the election result.  One of our neighbours stated "I didn't know who to vote for so I voted for Mary H...... because she had a good christian name."  I suppressed a laugh and my father grinned and winked at me.  Mary H..... had been standing as the Communist Party candidate and had done so for the past 3 elections.  Our neighbour would have been horrified had she realised.  Oh God and they let these people vote.